pillow thoughts

how ironic is it ? the way I so often seek sanity in my own madness

sadness crushed me with the overwhelming force of a tidal wave, and i drowned in its embrace...

sadness was a prison and I, I knew no way to escape it...

you have fallen for someone who will never be brave enough to fall for you

A HOSTAGE OF MY OWN MIND

The reason why I decided to write everything down was what happened a few hours ago. My sister has successfully lost weight and she is much thinner than me now. This morning she wore my jean to go outside and I know I should be overwhelmed with joy for her and in front of her I was, I putted on a smile and cheered her. The thing is that the moment she walked out of my room, I couldn’t stop the voice in my head, screaming so loud that I wasn’t bake to hear, to think, to feel anything else, anything more.

I am fatter that her, She looks better than me, I look discussing compared to her, I have to lose more, much more, I look ugly, She looks thinner than me, better than me. How could anyone, ever be able to like, love someone like me?

My first response was its fine I just won’t eat today. But that hard for me because at these moments all I think is whets the point? I felt so bad, like I was the worst sister in the world, I tried to shut me thoughts down but I couldn’t. I couldnt stop. I felt so bad but those where my only thoughts. I don’t know what is wrong with me; I don’t know why no one notices or whether they don’t care enough to notice. I just want it to stop but I can’t. I am drained. I am a hostage of my own mind. I can’t breath I can’t feel happy anymore. I cant stop it.